And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
