Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
