I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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