i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
