Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
