Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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