So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
