im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize