This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
