This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
