My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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