Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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