today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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