Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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