I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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