update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How does one acquire holy water?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
