Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He passed out mid-signature
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
