i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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