dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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