Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
