the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
