Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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