Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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