No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
