hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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