just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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