I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
