I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
