Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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