if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
