he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So squirting runs in the family.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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