i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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