do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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