morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
