I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
