my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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