I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
