im gay
i know
yea but for you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
