I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
