Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
