Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
