No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
