I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
