everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
