Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
