I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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