And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
