You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
