all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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