Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
