Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
