it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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