It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
