Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
