i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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