just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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