you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
