you have to choose: penises or morals?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
