he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
