my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
