Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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