There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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