Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
