It's like God shit irony all over that family
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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