All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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