Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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