I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
