she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
