Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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