Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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