Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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