So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
