mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize