he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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