I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize