My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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