This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
