Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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