On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
