i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
