the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
