I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
